The Art of Opening Sensuality Page #4

Monogamy As A Reality

This sort of alternative lifestyle is usually a gradual development. We all read books and see movies that suggest alternatives to monogamy, towards a more enlightened society. As opposed to a simple porn movie, where we are inspired to think 'damn, that would be a hot ass night of pleasure!', with no regards to the consequences?

These Authors hint to a better way of thinking and loving, and perhaps even a better society through implementation of these ideals. A Utopian society perhaps. Yet we should all remember they are authors of fiction. Many believe that monogamy is responsible for much of the violence and even murder we see in our society, were crimes of passion are numerous. A step beyond that would be to not find the fault in monogamy itself, but in man himself. Man finding the ability to raise himself up from the loop of desire and ego impossible. The need to attain that which he feels he deserves. We as humans usually try to gain that which we find out of our grasp. Thus once we have a relationship we are ready to move onto the next and grasp that one all the while selfishly keeping hold of the original relationship for fear of losing something. Fostering that relationship more as a possession than anything more. Possessiveness is motivated more by insecurities and selfishness than a true sense of love for your mate. So how do we move beyond that cycle? How do we stop making decisions based on our ego's?

In order to do this we need to see who we really are and why we are within a relationship. Is it to fulfill a need you have? or is it to expand yourself with another human being? Do you desire to see that person grow within the relationship and flourish? Do you find pleasure in their happiness as much as in your own? We see that if you truly love your mate, you would revel in their being happy, finding joy and fulfillment in life. Whether that joy is had in you or others should make little difference. You should just want to see them happy.

We should never think of our partners as our property. We should have a devotion to each other and continue to want to be with them, out of our deep sense of love, enjoyment, and respect. Even when things are not so good. This issue is your own. Not something you can impose on your mate. We are fortunate when our mates continue to want to hang with us. If the inspiration is not there for them, we need to look inside and see where we are lacking in what they need, to want to be with here in your life.

When others display an attraction to your mate, as oppose to feeling anger and resentment at your beloved mate use that to see the beauty they have inside. Revel in that and allow it to rekindle the flame you keep alive. If you have such a strong fear of this competition for their affections, the problem may very well be your own issues surfacing, not your mate’s. You are the only person in life that you can change. Do not loose sight of that. Never entertain the notion that you can coerce your mate to stay with you, through threats or guilt. This will not fruit any positive or lasting results. This does not mean however that you should repress feelings and not share them with your mate. In a loving connection your mate will desire to know who you are and what you feel as they also delight in who you are and what makes you happy. Always remember the cycle of love is an ever flowing current that is flowing both ways. Such as two circles orbiting together within each other. The cycle of the orbit is essential to balance.

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