This is for those that know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that there is a soulmate out there.
The Chinese believe that man is a bird with one wing and he searches for his mate, the other wing.
Throughout history stories have been told of love, love that transcends time.
This is about my love, for whom I am still searching.
There is despair and loneliness involved, but there is hope and peace for I know that I have found this person before, and will again.

Some personal background about myself.
My heritage is Celtic and Native American though I don't look the latter.
Because of this I believe there is a connection that is inherited from both sides.
Therefore I believe in a "spiritual" realm, too many things happen for me to believe otherwise.
I have two wonderful boys, David and Corey, that have brought me the greatest joy and greatest exasperation.
But now onto my story and my search for the soul that entwines with mine.


The First Life: The Dream


The sky is black, the land is green, the ocean beneath my feet an unseen force of power. I stand on the cliff above it, hearing its drive to possess the rocks on which it plunges. This island is my home; its very essence is my soul. The dirt, the grass, the rocks all speak with the same voice and to hear it is to be one with it. But even though I am born to the caretakers of this land and am fulfilling the continuing destiny of my people I am human and I wait for the other. The one who is also born of this land, the one I share my soul with, I know him in the life and will know him in others For our souls are new and we are at the beginning of this eternal voyage.

As a young child I grew up in the shadow of the warrior family that ruled this area. I was happy, learning the arts to which I had been born. The ability to listen to the earth, to heal the body, to comfort the soul, and to seek to guiding hands of the Others. I am a caretaker as my mother before me and as a babe my destiny was set. We are not feared but honored, set apart but sought out. It was a spring day; the sun was teasing the clouds as to which force would reign. I was speaking to the healing herbs in my grandmother's garden when the warriors came. The flaring nostrils of the horses indicated that they had ridden hard, their leader hard-pressed for information, his blue face paint was smeared from sweat. My mother and grandmother came quickly from the hut, concern on their faces. As they ushered the man inside my mother motioned me to her side. It was then I noticed the boy, the son of the leader. Older than I by several years he sat on his horse with ease. His black hair and green eyes fascinated me and though I was young I felt a pull in my stomach. Beneath my feet the earth shifted and I lifted startled eyes to my mother.
At her confirming nod I knew! He was my soulmate.

I offered refreshment to the men, sneaking glances at him. "Cerin", one man called out and he turned, " try the mead, it is the best ever!" As I took the mug to him and held it up our hands brushed and I thought he would surely see the sparks. As it was that moment haunted my sleep until we met again, ten years later.

A group of us went to stay a time with the clan, invaders kept sweeping our shores and as guardians of this land we did not act passive but aided in any way possible. We called up storms along the coast to break their vessels, we healed the warriors who were wounded in battle and at times picked up weapons ourselves. It was the night of Summer Solstice, a time of celebration. And I knew that night we would join. The air was hushed, expectant; it embraced the people around the bonfire with soft arms. I was laughing, stumbling through one of the many dances of the evening. My skin felt as if currents of lightening raced on it, my heart beat hard. Then I looked to my side, there he was, his eyes a reflection of my own. He took both of my hands in his, pulling me from the circle of light and I felt no fear. We had talked often through the time I lived with his people, sharing our hearts and dreams, speaking of the differences of our ways of life. But tonight the time was not for words but deeds.

He led me to his hut, a small fire in the center, the sleeping furs spread out. His hand shook as he pulled the thong from my hair, its blond threads clinging to his arm. How can I describe Cerin? His body is magnificent, tall and strong, hard where I am soft. The light flickers across his chest and stomach, the muscles revealed as well as the scars. Sensations assault me: the fur against my back, his hands exploring my body, the lightening increases. I hear myself moan, begging for release, and when it comes I am shattered and then re-born. For we are truly one now, our souls re-joined and throughout that night we bonded together, at times frantic, at times subdued.


Our lives as been good, we have sons who follow their father and daughters who follow me. We are the guardians of this land. There has been sadness and joy, fear and excitement but love is always there. Yet as I stand here on the cliff, waiting for him to join me, sadness and panic overtake me. I know this life as been easy for our souls but the ones to follow will not be. Some will have trials, others separation and several we will miss entirely. I want to scream out against the trials and separations but I know that as we face them our love will only grow stronger. I am pulled out of my thoughts as I sense his approach, excitement flowing through my veins. We both know we will be together throughout time and I will not let the fear of things to come overshadow my joy now. I will wait when needed but I will never forget my soul and our first joining.

This is dedicated to the one I am still waiting for.


Artists credits on this page go to Jim Wappel visit his site: